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By Vanessa Baker
- For Blue MagazineThinking of moving in with your sweetheart?
A Penn State researcher suggests you think twice.
Catherine Cohan and her colleagues at Penn State found that couples who lived together before getting married, or “cohabited,” had poorer relationship skills than couples who tied the knot first. Cohan’s is part of several studies conducted in recent years that point to a connection between cohabitation and divorce. Her 2003 study has gained national attention and has been featured in publications such as Psychology Today.
“A number of studies show that people who cohabit show higher risk of divorce, but no studies have found that cohabiting helps marriage,” Cohan said.
In the United States, 6 million opposite- sex couples cohabited in 2006, according to U.S. Census data. In State College, the number was 2,217 couples (or 4.6 percent of households), according to the data.
In Cohan’s study, researchers asked participants to discuss a marital issue for 15 minutes. The researchers noted how many times the couples used constructive skills, such as nondefensive listening, and how many times the couples showed negative behaviors, such as contempt. Overall, the couples who cohabited showed poorer skills.
“The difference between the couples was like an ‘A+’ versus a ‘B-,’ ” Cohan said.
The link between negative communication skills and divorce has been made by researchers such as John Gottman. The emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington says he can predict, with 90 percent accuracy, whether a couple will divorce based on the number of times the couple uses negative communication skills.
Two hypotheses emerged from Cohan’s findings. One of Cohan’s ideas was that some couples view cohabitation as a kind of trial marriage. But couples may put less effort into the relationships to which they are not deeply committed, she said.
“Something about the experience of cohabitation may cause divorce,” Cohan said.
She pointed to research conducted by Scott Stanley, a psychology professor at the University of Denver, which suggests that cohabiting couples may drift into marriage as a result of convenience and habit rather than as a conscious decision.
“People live together and a number of things can happen. They get pregnant or buy things together like couches,” Cohan said.
Circumstances make couples more and more invested in a relationship despite the lack of commitment, she said, and it may be easier for them to marry.
The other hypothesis Cohan suggests is that people who choose to cohabit may share certain characteristics, such as “difficulty with commitment or personal characteristics that make them more unattractive.”
“People who are (already) at risk of divorce also cohabit — people whose parents are divorced and people with low income or low education,” she said.
Both theories may be true, Cohan said. And evidence also shows that marriages between people who have had multiple live-in partners fare worse than others, she said. She noted that many types of cohabiting couples exist, and that couples who are engaged or have an understanding that they will get engaged tend to have better luck.
So, what are couples to do? Cohan’s advice is to wait until after marriage to go house shopping.
“There is no evidence that cohabiting helps you. If you can make the choice not to live together, it benefits you in this relationship and further down the line,” she said.
For couples who already have made the decision to move in together, whether married or not, Cohan suggested that books by psychologists such as Stanley and Gottman can be helpful. She said counseling can be a great benefit to couples, especially when a relationship is young.
“The best time to go to see a psychologist is before things fall apart. It’s much easier to work on skills when you don’t hate your spouse,” she said.
Vanessa Baker is a freelance writer for Blue Magazine and happily cohabits with her boyfriend in Bellefonte.
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